My Road to Happiness/Understanding

MY ROAD TO HAPPINESS - by Jerry W. Willis
http://www.jerrywwillis.com/

I find much happiness in reading certain types of material because it stimulates all the really good feelings and thoughts within me. So the following is maybe the perfect way for me to introduce myself and the type of message that I am sharing with you in this book.

THE FOLLOWING WRITING by Wil Wheaton (of StarTrek - The Next Generation) IS SOMEWHAT RAMBLING BUT IT IS VERY INTERESTING! IT TOUCHES ON THE MEANING AND IMPORTANCE OF WORK AND THE CONCEPT OF WORKING ON THE THINGS YOU LOVE AND OF BEING BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF. SO I HAVE INSERTED MY COMMENTS SO THAT YOU CAN SEE TWO PEOPLE'S UNDERSTANDINGS OF THE SAME THINGS IN LIFE.

FACE IT!! YOU AREN'T THE SUCCESS YOU DREAMED OF. YOU AREN'T AS RICH AND SUCCESSFUL AS YOU HOPED. YOU AREN'T MAKING AS MUCH PROGRESS LATELY AS YOU WANT. BUT WHEN YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT ROAD; WHEN YOU ARE ON YOUR ROAD, THAT IS OK. YOU CAN BE "TOTALLY COOL WITH THAT".

IT SEEMS THAT MANY PEOPLE, IF NOT MOST EVERYONE, GETS TO SIMILAR PLACES IN THEIR LIVES. I KNOW I HAVE. AND THE INTERESTING THING IS THAT THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE IN TURNING DISAPPOINTMENT AND CONFUSION AND FRUSTRATION INTO A DELIGHTFUL STROLL DOWN MEMORY LANE AND A HAPPY, SHINING OUTLOOK ABOUT TODAY AND TOMORROW, IS FACING THE BRUTAL FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF. JUST LOOKING AT YOURSELF AND YOUR SITUATION HONESTLY AND OPENLY WITH ABSOLUTELY NO COVERUP AND NO PROTECTION FROM OTHERS ABUSING AND EMBARASSING YOU. OF COURSE YOU CAN DO IT IN SECRET BUT JUST BE SO OPEN AND HONEST WITH YOURSELF THAT EVEN YOU COULD MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A DUMMY AND A LOSER.

THEN, A FUNNY THING HAPPENS. WHEN YOU ARE TOTALLY OPEN AND HONEST WITH YOURSELF, THEN YOU JUST NATURALLY GO FOR AND KNOW WHAT YOUR ROAD IS AND WHERE IT IS GOING AND WHERE IT HAS BEEN. THEN A WONDERFUL SENSE OF SELF-SATISFACTION, OF SELF-CONFIDENCE, OF PEACE OF MIND AND, YES, HAPPINESS, SETTLES IN.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!

THE FOLLOWING IS FROM WIL WHEATON WHO PLAYED Wesley Crusher ON THE 'STAR TREK -THE NEXT GENERATION' TV SERIES:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wesley_Crusher
Wikipedia: “Wesley Crusher is a character on the television series Star Trek: The Next Generation. He was played by actor Wil Wheaton, and was a regular for the first four seasons. He made sporadic guest appearances after this.”

http://wilwheaton.typepad.com/wwdnbackup/2006/03/climb_so_high_a.html

climb so high and gain so low
"May the road rise with you." -PiL

]All this week, Shane Nickerson is publishing older blog entries that never made the cut for one reason or another. He introduces each entry with a brief comment about it, then shares some wonderful writing that clearly deserved to make it past the internal censor who often paralyzes guys like us.

This one, in particular, hit me where I live:

If you want the secret, I have it.

It's about the work. Regardless of your chosen profession or station in life, the work is what matters. Skip it and you will be caught. Slack off, and others will catch up to you. Cut corners and you will have to answer to yourself at some point.

Of course, that said, the hardest question to answer once it is assumed that hard work is part of the equation is, "Now, what do I work on?" Whatever you love. Work on whatever you love and don't think about the payoff, but instead the road. If part of your road is a continual hunt for a payoff, so be it, but pick a life and career that makes you happy even in the very pursuit of the thing you've chosen.

MY MESSAGE EXACTLY! There is real wisdom that came from experiences that resulted in the above message!

A couple of days ago, I had an epiphany: Around the time I came to Exile, I drove right off my Road. I started to take an interesting little side trip, (mostly to Prove To Everyone that I could do it) but I lost my map and couldn't find my way back. I was so thoroughly off my road, I didn't even realize I was driving around in circles and down dead end paths until it was way too late, and I was running out of gas.
Set phasers to Ramble, Mr. Worf:

When I went to the Grand Slam convention last weekend, I kept expecting to feel bad about it. I kept expecting to feel like I was a loser for going without anything new to show off and I really worked myself up about it. I really felt like I was in exactly the same place I was five years ago, and that seriously bummed me out.

But when I got there, that anticipated feeling never arrived. Despite my best initial efforts to really feel like a jerk, I really had a good time. I didn't feel bad; I felt like I was at home. I felt like I was surrounded by like-minded people who all wanted to celebrate this stuff that we all love, and I felt like I had something unique and interesting to share with them. I loved how good and how right that felt, and at some point over the weekend, I realized that even though I was hanging out at a con, I'm not in the same place I was five years ago. I've grown as a writer, I've grown as a husband, and I've grown as a father. I'm smarter and wiser than I was five years ago, even if I haven't accomplished as much as I'd hoped. There is no denying that I haven't done what I'd hoped to do with acting or writing, but in all the other areas that truly matter, I've rolled several critical successes.

THE ABOVE REALLY RESONATES WITH ME. BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN DISAPPOINTED IN MY CAREER AND THE LEVELS THAT I DIDN'T ACHIEVE IN MY WORK LIFE; BECAUSE I AM DISAPPOINTED THAT I HAVE SO LITTLE MONEY IN SAVINGS AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE AND THE WORRY IN THE BACKGROUND THAT I/WE MAY NOT HAVE ENOUGH TO CONTINUE TO LIVE 'THE GOOD LIFE'.

YET AS I HAVE WRITTEN AND THOUGHT TO MYSELF OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS I HAVE COME TO SOME OF THE SAME CONCLUSIONS. I HAVE GROWN AND IMPROVED MYSELF. NOW I AM A WRITER!! I HAVE SOMETHING UNIQUE AND INTERESTING TO SHARE WITH LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE! I HAVE GROWN AS A HUSBAND, AS A FATHER AND AS A GRANDFATHER. I'M SMARTER AND WISER THAN I WAS FIVE YEARS AGO, EVEN IF I HAVEN'T ACCOMPLISHED AS MUCH AS I'D HOPED.

THERE IS NO DENYING THAT I HAVEN'T DONE WHAT I'D HOPED TO DO WITH MY JOBS OR WITH MY INVESTMENTS AND OTHER AREAS OF MY LIFE, BUT IN ALL THE AREAS THAT TRULY MATTER, I'VE ROLLED IN SEVERAL CRITICAL SUCCESSES.

AND I HAVE FOUND MY ROAD FOR NOW; THE ROAD THAT I WANT TO BE ON; THE ROAD THAT BRINGS UP POSSIBILITIES IN ME THAT I AM EXCITED ABOUT. AND FOR NOW THAT IS MY CLEAR BLUE SKY; THAT IS WHAT I AM LOOKING AT AND DREAMING ABOUT AND, WHILE I AM AT IT, I AM ENJOYING THE SCENERY ALONG MY ROAD!

You know how everything happens for a reason? If I hadn't gone to that convention and simply enjoyed the celebration of Sci-Fi and Sci-Fi fandom, if I hadn't realized, accepted, and acknowledged that I really have grown and succeeded in the last five years, I wouldn't have found the map back to my Road. Without it, I never would have been in the right place to have so much fun with the hosting audition, and I wouldn't be waiting right now to hopefully hear good news about that job.

WHEN I ACCEPTED THAT THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON, IT BECAME EASIER TO LOOK AT MY DISAPPOINTMENTS JUST AS SOMETHING I AM GOING TO NEED IN MY FUTURE.

THEN WHEN I BEGAN TO REALIZE AND ACCEPT AND ACKNOWLEDGE MY SUCCESSES, I BEGAN TO LOOK WITH OPTIMISM FOR INTERESTING NEW THINGS AND NEW POSSIBILITIES. THERE ARE ALWAYS OPPORTUNITIES FOR YOUR TALENTS NO MATTER HOW FAR-FETCHED AND UNLIKELY THEY SEEM AT THE MOMENT.

FOR ME, THE IDEA OF BECOMING AN AUTHOR HAD NOT REALLY EVER CROSSED MY MIND EVEN THOUGH I GUESS I HAD SOMEWHAT DREAMED OF IT INDIRECTLY FOR THE LAST FEW YEARS. BUT THEN, TIME AND CIRCUMSTANCES AND ALL THE EXPLORATION AND THINKING (RESEARCH) I HAD DONE JUST CAME TOGETHER. IT IS LIKE A RECIPE COMBINING ALL THE RIGHT INGREDIENTS TO MAKE SOMETHING ENTIRELY NEW. I AM NOW MAKING MY FAVORITE; A RICH, MOIST CHOCOLATE CAKE, THAT I HAVE SUCH HIGH HOPES FOR! I THINK I'LL HAVE SOME VANILLA ICE CREAM WITH THAT TOO!!! COME JOIN ME, PLEASE!

I thought about the last line of Just A Geek the other day, which I thought went something like, "I'm finally cool with all the Star Trek and Sci-Fi stuff, and I'm happy about that."

I just looked it up, and that's not what it says. It actually says that I'm doing something that really makes me happy, which at the time was writing. It says a lot about my current state of mind, (and the unvarnished truth about myself at this moment) that I thought it said I was happy about my work on Star Trek and I was cool with all that stuff, though, doesn't it?

WHEN I LOOKED AT THE UNVARNISHED TRUTH ABOUT MYSELF I SAW LOTS OF DISAPPOINTMENT WITH NOT ACHIEVING BIG PROMOTIONS AND POSITIONS AT A MAJOR CORPORATION. BUT I ALSO RECOGNIZED THAT I HAD BEEN GIVEN OPPORTUNITIES AND HAD BEEN FOUND LACKING IN THE SKILLS TO REALLY DO THOSE JOBS WELL. I KNEW THAT IT WAS BETTER TO NOT HAVE THOSE JOBS THAN TO BE LOUSY AT THEM.

SO I WAS CONFUSED. WHAT THEN SHOULD BE MY DIRECTION AND EMPHASIS? WAS I TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE BEING DISAPPOINTED EVEN THOUGH I KNEW THAT I WOULD HAVE PROBABLY BEEN EVEN MORE DISAPPOINTED HAD I GOTTEN WHAT I THOUGHT I WANTED?

WHAT I WAS MOST HAPPY ABOUT WAS RESEARCHING AND GATHERING ARTICLES AND SPEECHES THAT MOTIVATED AND INSPIRED ME AND OTHERS. I SPENT MY SPARE TIME ENJOYING WRITING MY THOUGHTS AND DREAMS AND IDEAS.

OF COURSE I WAS SLOW TO RECOGNIZE THAT THERE WERE EVEN MORE WONDERFUL POSSIBILITIES IN MY WORK DISAPPOINTMENTS AND RESEARCH HAPPINESSES. THERE ARE POSSIBILITIES OF EVEN MORE ENJOYMENT AND HAPPINESS AND ALSO OF MAKING A CONTRIBUTION TO MY FAMILY AND OTHERS.

THAT WAS ANOTHER OF MY DILUSSIONAL DREAMS. BUT I HAD LONG AGO CONCLUDED THAT IT WAS TOO BOLD AND TOO BIG TO BE EVEN A POSSIBILITY EVEN FOR ME, ESPECIALLY IN VIEW OF MY LACK OF SUCCESS IN BUSINESS.

IN MY DREAMS THAT BUSINESS SUCCESS WAS TO BE THE PLATFORM FROM WHICH I WOULD MAKE MY EVEN BIGGER CONTRIBUTIONS TO MY FAMILY AND OUR COUNTRY THROUGH POLITICS!

When I watch TNG on G4, (and I do, almost every night,) no matter how hard I try to feel sad, or maudlin, or regretful, I just can't do it. I see my friends, and I have fond memories of working with them. I see my work, and I feel proud (when I'm not laughing at the Ugly Grey Spacesuit) of a lot of the things I did with what I was given to work with. As a bonus, watching lots of TNG has brought back happy, lucid memories of of all sosrts of things I did when I was a teenager: I get flashes of painting 40K armies in my dressing room, going to Depeche Mode concerts with my friends, watching movies like The Hidden and Alien Nation and Prince of Darkness at the AMC in Burbank with Darin when it was just 10 theatres (and 10 was HUGE back then), and going to different conventions all over the country to celebrate Star Trek. Of course, as I described in Just A Geek, there came a time where I didn't have fun at the cons, and I started to resent them, but even those memories are hard to pull up as I watch these shows from the second and third seasons. Is it selective memory? Of course it is, and I'm totally fine with that.

AS A TEENAGER, I WAS SO LACKING IN A BIG PICTURE UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT WAS GOING ON AND SO LACKING IN SELF-CONFIDENCE THAT IN LATER YEARS I COULD HARDLY THINK OF THOSE DAYS WITHOUT RUNNING INTO MEMORIES THAT MADE ME CRINGE WITH DISAPPOINTMENT IN MYSELF AND MY PERFORMANCE. SO I AVOIDED THEM EXCEPT IN OCCASIONAL FLASHBACKS OF DISAPPOINTMENT.

BUT NOW, AS I WRITE THE BIG PICTURE UNDERSTANDING THAT I NEEDED AS A YOUTH; AS I DOCUMENT THE WISDOM OF THE AGES AND WISDOM FROM ALL OF MY RESEARCH, I FIND THAT I DO ENJOY CALLING BACK MANY OF THOSE MEMORIES AND I CAN RELIVE THEM WITHOUT THE DISAPPOINTING THOUGHTS. IS IT SELECTIVE MEMORY OR JUST A BETTER PERSPECTIVE? I THINK THE LATTER. BUT IN ANY CASE I'M TOTALLY FINE WITH IT AND I'M VERY HAPPY WITH THAT!!

I know I went over this in Just A Geek and Dancing Barefoot, but it's worth it for me to go over it one more time: I don't have to avoid or run away from science fiction because I was a big part of a huge science fiction franchise, and I didn't have the acting success I'd hoped for when I quit. I was a science fiction geek long before I was Wesley Crusher, and I'll be a science fiction geek for the rest of my life. I can't run away from fandom, because I can't run away from myself. I can't run away from who I am. Resistance is futile.

I LOVE THE WISDOM AND THE HUMOR IN THE ABOVE. TO PUT IT IN TERMS OF MY LIFE, I DON'T HAVE TO AVOID OR RUN AWAY FROM THE FACTS ABOUT MY LIFE. I WAS RAISED IN A NEAR IDEALIC TIME (THE 1950s) AND WAY (LEFT TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS AND FIND MY OWN WAY) EVEN THOUGH I NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT. I DIDN'T HAVE THE SUCCESS IN BUSINESS AND POLITICAL LEADERSHIP THAT I HAD HOPED FOR WHEN I GRADUATED FROM OKLAHOMA STATE UNIVERSITY.

BUT I WAS A DREAMER THEN AND I'LL BE A DREAMER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM MY HOPES AND DREAMS BECAUSE I CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM MYSELF. I CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM WHO I AM.

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!

When I read Shane's post earlier this week, I initially responded to what he said about the work. But as I reflected on it, I kept thinking about the Road. When I knew what my Road was, I knew where my Road was, and I knew how to get back on it. I wasn't as far off it as I
thought, in fact. I just had to turn the wheel and step on the gas. It also helped to drive with my eyes open for a change.

AS I REFLECT ON MY ROAD, MY NEW ROAD OF BEING AN AUTHOR AND A PUBLIC SPEAKER; OF TRYING TO HELP MY FAMILY AND MY COUNTRY, I FIND THAT I NEVER WAS VERY FAR OFF OF THAT ROAD. I WASN'T AS FAR OFF AS I THOUGHT. NOW I KNOW WHAT MY ROAD IS. TIME AND MY INTERESTS AND CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE OPENED UP NEW POSSIBILITIES. THIS TIME I FOUND MY ROAD WITH MY EYES OPENED BY EXPERIENCE AND WITH HONEST AND REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS ABOUT MYSELF!

My Road is paved with d20s and TRON DVDs and Atari 2600 games. It's lit by the glow of TNG and BSG episodes and the soundtrack is by Vangelis. It's patrolled by Rover and they sell Soylent Green in the rest stop vending machines. The speed limit is 42, but if you flash your Bavarian Illuminati card, you can use the FTL drive to make it to Milliways in time for dinner.

I'm back on my Road, and nobody can take the sky from me.

I'M BACK ON MY ROAD, THIS TIME WITH A COMPASS AND A MAP! THIS TIME I KNOW THE DIRECTION I AM TO GO AND I KNOW MY OBJECTIVE IS THE RIGHT ONE FOR ME; TO HAVE A WONDERFUL JOURNEY WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND TO TRY TO MAKE THE WORLD A LITTLE BETTER BECAUSE I WAS HERE!!

I STILL DREAM REALLY BIG. I STILL HAVE A MARVELOUS DREAM OF THE POSSIBILITIES FOR ME, MY FAMILY AND MY LOVED ONES AND I BELIEVE IT IS GOING TO COME TRUE!!

MAY SATISFACTION AND PEACE OF MIND AND EXCITEMENT IN THE POSSIBILITIES FOR YOUR LIFE BE WITH YOU.

MAY YOU AWAKE EACH DAY WITH A CLEAR UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE.

MAY YOU AWAKE EACH DAY WITH A MISSION IN LIFE INSTEAD OF A TO-DO LIST.

MAY YOU SHARE DEEP AND ABIDING LOVE WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!

With love,

Granddad/Dad/Husband/Brother/Uncle and Friend,
Jerry W. Willis
4/10/2007
see www.jerrywwillis.com